Joke Pages 0226

Joke Pages

How To Tell If You Are Addicted To AOL

HOW TO TELL IF YOU ARE ADDICTED TO AOL:

You walk into a room, and finding that it has more than 23 people,
you inform the management there is an error.

You find yourself tilting your head when you smile.

When laughing, you find yourself saying "LOL" out loud.

You get more E-mail than snail mail.

When introducing yourself to people, you use your screenname.

You are no longer afraid of a mouse.

The only way your child can get your attention is by a) standing in front of your
screen b) IMing you c) Telling you Steve Case is calling you on the phone.

When your spouse is mad at you, they threaten to erase your E-mail and you
humbly, earnestly and quickly beg for their forgiveness.

When at work, your boss constantly reminds you that the word i should be capitalized.

When going on a job interview, and asked if you have any questions about the
company, your first response is to ask if they are on AOL.

When looking at signs, you wonder why they are always yelling at you.

When leaving to go to the bathroom, you find yourself saying "BRB".

Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your sleep instead of talking.

You understand all the humor in these jokes because you have committed them yourself.

When your pupils begin to look like AOL logos.

When you can no longer write a business letter, because you can no longer spell.

When all your other software shows a message "LTNS".

When all of a sudden you have lost 10 lbs. because you forgot to eat.

When all of a sudden you have gained 10 lbs. because you eat nothing but junk food.

When a wav isn't just what you hear when walking on the beach.

When you put on your makeup, style your hair and wear your favorite outfit just to sign on.

When you lose track of time and realize you've spent the entire night online
ONLY after seeing the sunrise.

"Keeping up with the Joneses" now means making sure you have as many WAV
files as your friends.

You spend more time in Chat Rooms than "OnlineHost"

Someone asks you to copy something down and you have to take a moment to
remember how to "cut and paste" in the real world.

You find yourself writing a memo or personal letter, and wanting to put smiley
faces at the end of every paragraph. :)

You eat your pasta supper in front of the screen...not the TV screen, rather the
computer screen.

Your spouse threatens to unplug your computer and, without batting an
eyelash, you say to him (or her, whatever) in a drop dead voice, "You do and
it will be your last living act." And the spouse leaves ***very*** quietly.

You look up from your chair and poof! Your 5-year-old is now 20.

You boast about knowing two languages- English and abbreviation.

Your most rewarding accomplishment of the year was successfully upgrading to 3.0.

During a power failure you run out and buy a generator so you can run the computer.

People don't recognize you unless they see the back of your head.

You know more AOL access numbers than people's telephone numbers.

Every Friday and Saturday night you are online rather than out in town.

You start imitating the sound your modem makes.

You actually believe you sent someone a beer over the telephone.

When you dont have to hit the 'new' button, because you know just by the
numbers of posts, that there are no 'new' responses.

Your nine year old kid keeps whining that you spend more time with the
modem than with him.

When your dog has been trained to respond to the 'you have mail' voice by
barking with joy.

When you won't go visiting unless the friends have an online computer.

When you find yourself answering your email before the snail mail.

You sign your personal checks and office memos with a screen name.

You walk into a meeting, and have the urge to do a group hug.

Your kids say a bad word, and you send them to TOS instead of their rooms.

You look for something in the store, and ask a clerk, "What keyword do I use to find it?"

Your boss comes in and yells at you, you tell him to "lower your caps, please."

You don't know any of the new TV shows they talk about at work.

You find yourself saying "welcome" and "goodbye" whenever someone enters
or leaves your office.

No one can call you on the phone because your line is ALWAYS busy!!

You write more E-mail to your spouse than you ever speak to him.

Your bird can mimic the IM wav.

When the UPS man delivers something, your kids yell in their best
AOL voice "You have mail."

When your child hears your computer say "Goodbye", he does the
happy dance, yelling "YEAH, Mom's FINALLY getting offline!!"

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