 |
 Joke Pages |
|
|
Joke Pages |
|
Link Rot
Chip Jewelry
Crapplet
Plug-and-Play
World Wide Wait
CGI Joe
Dorito Syndrome
Under Mouse Arrest
Glazing
404
Dead Tree Edition
Egosurfing
Graybar Land
Open-Collar Workers
Squirt The Bird
Brain Fart
Cobweb Site
It's a Feature
Keyboard Plaque
Career-Limiting Move (CLM)
Elvis Year
Alpha Geek
Adminisphere
Tourists
Blowing Your Buffer
Gray Matter
Bookmark
Nyetscape
Beepilepsy
Salmon Day
Dilberted
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences
of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted
again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites
they're connected to change location or die.
A euphamism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into
decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and now it's
nothing but chip jewelry."
A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30
minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"
A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great.
He's totally plug-and-play."
The real meaning of WWW.
A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma
of a plastic action figure.
Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive
substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours
surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."
Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct. "Sorry
I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."
Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at
conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the
room was glazing by the second session?"
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message "404, URL Not
Found," meaning that the document you've tried to access can't be located.
"Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."
The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic
forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."
Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for
the mention of your name.
The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing
something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the
screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to that
CAD rendering."
People who work at home or telecommute
To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are ready...what
time do we squirt the bird?"
A biproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly. A burst
of useful information. "I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but
can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?" Variation of old hacker
slang that had more negative connotations.
A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time. A dead
web page.
From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically to
describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. "Are
there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard
plaque."
Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your
boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year
was 1993."
The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in an office or work
group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rack and file.
Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their
jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were
tourists."
Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking
with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so
astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn, I just blew my buffer!"
Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms
looking to appear more reputable and established.
To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed from
web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at Siggraph."
Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off,
especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy
facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed in the end
Want to see more? Click here for another joke!
