Joke Pages

The next time you need a day off...


The next time you need a day off, try one of these...

If it is all the same to you I won't be coming to work. The voices
told me to clean all the guns today.

When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my
Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

My stigma's acting up.

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Ok?

I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile loprosy, but I know we
have that deadline to meet...

I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Wal-Mart.

Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and,
hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could
I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with AT&T, but thank you for
calling.

Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't
come in to work knowing my employee records may now contain false
information.

The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me
this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

I prefer to remain an enigma.

My mother-in-law has come back as one of the undead and we must
track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her
eternal peace. One day should do it.

I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my
house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange
for helicopter transportation.


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