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 Joke Pages |
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Joke Pages |
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BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file,
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component of your system, just
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer,
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCS infected will lose 38
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating "Read my docs....
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like
LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million
BUREAU OF ALCOHOL, TOBACCO AND FIREARMS VIRUS: Attempts to
RUSH LIMBAUGH VIRUS: Puts up lots of incoherent meaningless
MICROSOFT WINDOWS VIRUS: Turns your OS into a cumbersome
Use your virus scan, don't let any of these viruses happen to
People - please note! The following new computer viruses have
been detected. Please be alert for them when you scan your
computers --- which you -ARE- doing, I trust.
re-attaches it. (But that part will never work again.)
80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200 MB.
you are getting.
paying too much for the AT&T virus.
around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack ---once if by
LAN, twice if by C:>
instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism.
regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you
to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
before the whole damn thing quits.
It'll be back.
process without joining into a binary network.
ewe jsut cant figyour out watt!!
diagnostic software says everything is fine.
people really mad just thinking about it.
of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which
claim to be the most important part of your computer.
percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent
margin of error).
"Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for
the problem.
own motherboard.
destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across
rural America.
power supply and a set of shocks.
simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on
expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
has gone before.
wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on
your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
a 286/AT.
your PC and erases them in "self defense".
dollars, it's programmer will take it back.
secretly go after all your files, but not without first unintentionally
letting you know about it by calling a local news station.
messages on your screen. Also takes up a lot of disk space.
unwieldy jumble of nonsensical buttons, menus and commands and also degrades
the performance of your PC. (Whoops,that's not a virus. Never mind.)
your PC!
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