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drama masks

These are the resulting collected writings of Bart's
chalkboard exercises from the opening credits:

For those of you who don't watch the Simpsons, part of the
opening credits show Bart Simpson writing the same sentence over
and over again on a chalkboard - the old "write it 100 times"
punishment which establishes him as a troublemaker. Each episode when
they use this version of the credits (the show is famous for changing
opening and closing credits mid-season) is usually different. A
viewer apparently went through the trouble of memorializing what Bart
is writing on the board.

  1. I will not carve gods.
  2. I will not spank others.
  3. I will not aim for the head.
  4. I will not barf unless I'm sick
  5. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
  6. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
  7. I will not conduct my own fire drills.
  8. Funny noises are not funny.
  9. I will not snap bras.
  10. I will not fake seizures.
  11. This punishment is not boring and pointless.
  12. My name is not Dr. Death.
  13. I will not defame New Orleans.
  14. I will not prescribe medication.
  15. I will not bury the new kid.
  16. I will not teach others to fly.
  17. I will not bring sheep to class.
  18. A burp is not an answer.
  19. Teacher is not a leper.
  20. Coffee is not for kids.
  21. I will not eat things for money.
  22. I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
  23. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
  24. I will not call the principal "spud head".
  25. Goldfish don't bounce.
  26. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
  27. No one is interested in my underpants.
  28. I will not sell miracle cures.
  29. I will return the seeing-eye dog.
  30. I do not have diplomatic immunity.
  31. I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
  32. I will never win an emmy.
  33. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
  34. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
  35. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
  36. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
  37. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
  38. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
  39. I am not deliciously saucy.
  40. Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
  41. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
  42. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
  43. There are plenty of businesses like show business.
  44. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
  45. I will not waste chalk.
  46. I will not skateboard in the halls.
  47. I will not instigate revolution.
  48. I will not draw naked ladies in class.
  49. I did not see Elvis.
  50. I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
  51. Garlic gum is not funny.
  52. They are laughing at me, not with me.
  53. I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
  54. I will not encourage others to fly.
  55. I will not fake my way through life.
  56. Tar is not a plaything.
  57. I will not Xerox my butt.
  58. It's potato, not potatoe.
  59. I will not trade pants with others.
  60. I am not a 32 year old woman.
  61. I will not do that thing with my tongue.
  62. I will not drive the principal's car.
  63. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
  64. I will not sell school property.
  65. I will not burp in class.
  66. I will not cut corners.
  67. I will not get very far with this attitude.
  68. I will not belch the National Anthem.
  69. I will not sell land in Florida.
  70. I will not grease the monkey bars.
  71. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
  72. I will not do anything bad ever again.
  73. I will not show off.
  74. I will not sleep through my education.
  75. I am not a dentist.
  76. Spitwads are not free speech.
  77. Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
  78. High explosives and school don't mix.
  79. I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
  80. I will not squeak chalk.
  81. I will finish what I sta
  82. "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
  83. Underwear should be worn on the inside.
  84. The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
  85. I will not torment the emotionally frail.
  86. I will not sell my kidney on E-bay

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