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The Top 15 Problems Encountered Along The Olympic Torch Route:

  1. Forward progress hampered by slow moving white Bronco.

  2. Torch commandeered in Waco by over-zealous ATF agents.

  3. One 'really' pissed off Smokey The Bear.

  4. Budget cuts cause torch to be replaced by less-than-dependable
    Bic lighter.

  5. Difficulty getting melted marshmallows off torch after "s'mores"
    party got out of hand.

  6. Running 7 miles before realizing that the torch is still on top of the
    urinal at the last rest stop.

  7. First-degree burns to runners unfamiliar with how to "receive the
    baton".

  8. Jim Bob, lying in wait on the outskirts of Memphis with a case of Bud
    and a supersoaker.

  9. Rosie Ruiz takes flame in NYC -- appears 30 minutes later in Atlanta.

  10. Drive-by goosings

  11. Torchbearers driven insane by repeated playing of the "Chariots Of
    Fire" theme.

  12. Torch-jackings in urban areas.

  13. Crazed hippie terrorists replace Olympic Torch with new Olympic
    Bong.

  14. Male runners repeatedly get lost and refuse to stop for directions.


    -And the Number 1 Problem Encountered Along The Olympic Torch Route-

  15. Obnoxious drunks who run up and yell, "No, I meant a BUD light!".

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