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Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers:

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us
once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard,
meals, and smacks included.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom
for efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head
illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25;
Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and
large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an
extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it
carefully by hand.

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful

Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of
aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family
appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to
assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of
contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in
variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your
home for $1.00.

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